Pickles

1. Do not eat pickles directly from the jar. Pickles may be contaminated with a type of deadly bacteria (mortiferum periculosum) that becomes less dangerous when the pickle is exposed to oxygen.
2. Oxygen exposure period of a pickle is best carried out with the aid of a flat, sterile, non-porous platter, where alien substances may be easily identified.
3. Napoleon was poisoned in exile, via a series of contaminated pickles. These pickles remained intact even as Napoleon's body decomposed. Over time they hardened, and became a part of the Earth's mantle.