Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Excerpt: Safety Around Elf Statues

"The holidays bring a lot of good feelings and togetherness, but they also bring motorized elf statues. Well-meaning friends give us animatronic elf statues as symbols of festivity and affection. But once activated, these mechanical trinkets can become relentless automated death machines.

Motion-aware elf statues pose the greatest danger. Their invisible laser-sites target our movement and spring into action when we draw near. If you place one of these totems at the top a staircase or other precipice, there is a chilling risk that visitors may tumble to a grisly demise when surprised.

Larger statues can feature very powerful motors. If the corner of a garment becomes ensnared, seemingly trivial animatronic arm movement can be forceful enough to heave unfortunate guests through windows, or into the path of dancing blades.

Using projectile weapons, blunt objects or even flame to confront the threat of elf statues only heightens potential risk because elf statues are programmed to defend themselves. They can contain corrosive compressed acids and other toxic agents which could spell the E. N. D.

Many researchers agree that the best defense against elf statues is total motionlessness."

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