Gay Tree Houses Threaten the Foundation of Traditional Heterosexual Tree Houses

The sad fact is -- nine out of fifty states have already approved legal unions for same-sex couples (in some cases even calling such unions "marriage"). America may be drifting toward accepting immoral behavior into our churches and nurseries, but are we also ready to give up our traditional, heterosexual tree houses?

A recent study documented tree houses built by persons who had engaged in immoral sex acts with the same gender, versus tree houses built within the protection of a loving, heterosexual marriage. The results of the study are shocking.

• Heterosexual tree houses' most commonly touted features were "the windows," "the way it sits up there," and "it has a bucket."
• Homosexual tree houses included amenities such as "wet bar," "Harman Kardon® sound system," "hot tub," and "sling."
• While heterosexual tree house owners are more likely to take a passive stance toward pest control, gay owners typically employed a combination of motion detection and lasers.
• When given a budget of $500, heterosexual first-time builders used the funds to buy scraps of wood, while homosexual builders allocated the money toward further fundraising, leveraging female impersonators and wet underwear contests.

What kind of tree house do you want for America's future?

Watch Your Fingers

Every five minutes, somewhere someone is breaking their fingers. This is not because they have been captured for torture, or because they are unnecessarily clumsy. It is because Nature wants to remove our fingers, and will eventually find a way to do so.

If we compare human fingers to those of chimpanzees, we learn that we are in the midst of a prolonged evolution away from fingers. However, the inventions of the industrial revolution and our recent reliance on "touchscreen" devices may slow or eliminate our progress toward a safer and more consolidated design, which scientists call the "single plank goal."

And we are learning the hard way. When we thwart the intentions of Nature, we pay with our fingers.

What Can I Do?

• Wear rubber mittens.
• Remove items from your house which contain right angles.
• Evaluate you daily usage and stop tempting fate. Are you using your fingers for activities which don't directly contribute to your wellbeing?
• Talk to your doctor about proactive removal.

Consider reading this useful guide on WebMD.

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